Other Humor
Anti-Pickup Lines
(touching a girl’s hair) What is that... fleece?
My, what small breasts you have.
Baby, if you were a car you’d be a Yugo: small and cheap.
You're ugly, but I'm desperate!!!
I found a hair in my zipper--is it yours?
I may not be the best looking guy here, but hey, I'm the only one talking to you.
I‘d like to screw your brains out, but it appears someone beat me to it.
You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
Damn, you're just as good as your daddy said you were.
I hope you have a good personality...
WITTY COMEBACKS:
Guy: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?”
Girl: “Yeah that’s why I don’t go there anymore”
Guy: “Would you like to dance?”
Girl: “I don’t like this song, and I’d never dance with you anyway”
Guy: “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants”
"Nice shoes."
"Fuck off."
"I know how to please a woman."
"Then please leave me alone."
"I want to give myself to you."
"Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
"Your hair color is fabulous."
"Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drugstore."
"You look like a dream."
"Go back to sleep."
"I can tell that you want me."
"Yes, I want you to leave."
"Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
"Stop."
"I'd go through anything for you."
"Let's start with your bank account."
"May I have the last dance?"
"You've just had it."
"Your place or mine?"
"Both. You go to your place and I'll go to mine."
"Your body is like a temple."
"Sorry, there are no services today."
"Is this seat empty?"
"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
One Liners
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
If a light-sleeper sleeps with a light on, what
does a hard-sleeper sleep with?
What does Popeye do to keep his favorite tool from rusting?
Sticks it in Olive Oyl.
What has three teeth and sixty feet?
The front row at a Willy Nelson concert.
What did the lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?
They're right! We do taste like chicken!
What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
Their balls are just for decoration.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
What are YOU shaking for? She's going to eat me!
What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
About three inches.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers?
Well-hung
What is the difference between a hormone and an enzyme?
You can't hear an enzyme.
What do you call a gay dinosaur?
Mega-sor-ass
What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play
with.... the other is used to carry groceries.
What did the blonde say when asked if she'd been picked up by the fuzz?
No...but I've been swung around by the tits.
If there were 4 potatos in a room, which one would be the prostitute?
The one that's labeled "IDAHO"
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Cuz every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
What has four legs and an arm?
happy pit-bull
What is the difference between a peeping tom and a robber?
A robber snatches watches.
Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.
Suddenly a flasher comes along, flings open his trench coat
and flashes them. Two have a stroke.. but the third doesn't
'cause her arms aren't long enough.
What do you call a truckload of dildos?
Toys for twats
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
It's not hard
